And you both agree to leave it there, not bring it up every month for the next three years. By itself, love is never enough to sustain a relationship. So the final bit of wisdom is to afford your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Respect that they have an equal say in the relationship, that you are a team, and if one person on the team is not happy, then the team is not succeeding. A few people even said that when things start to feel stale in the relationship, they agree to have sex every day for a week. Both people share responsibilities. Then, as if by magic, by the next week, they feel great again. Both people manage to finely balance their time together with the time for themselves. But you never want to lose respect for your partner.
I think the most important thing that I have learned in those years is that the love you feel for each other is constantly changing. The key is understanding that few of those waves have anything to do with the quality of the relationship — people lose jobs, family members die, couples relocate, switch careers, make a lot of money, lose a lot of money. You will make them happy as long as they make you happy. If you ended up with cancer tomorrow, would you trust your partner to stick with you and take care of you? Be passionate about cleaning house, preparing meals and taking care of your home. You need to be the kind of person that you want your spouse to be. When kids arrive, it will be easy to fall into a frenzy of making them the only focus of your life…do not forget the love that produced them. Even cleaning up when you accidentally pee on the toilet seat seriously, someone said that — these things all matter and add up over the long run. Talk about everything, even if it hurts. Be patient and focus on the many aspects of her that still exist that caused you to fall in love in the first place. Yeah, you forgot to pick up groceries on the way home, but what does him being rude to your mother last Thanksgiving have to do with anything? And you simply end up with each other. You have to fight. Our grown kids constantly tell their friends what hopeless romantics we are. I deeply and genuinely respect him for his work ethic, his patience, his creativity, his intelligence, and his core values. These are hard things to do. Never talk badly to or about her. And, because we happened to live in the same dorm, we were banging like rabbits. Is it worth the cost of arguing? Advice given by readers included: The common theme of the advice here was be pragmatic. One piece of advice that comes to mind: Both people share responsibilities. I think people give up too soon. Which means that those dozen or so things must be pretty damn important… and more importantly, they work. Own up to it. If you drop it and it breaks, you can put it back together with a lot of work and care.
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