It is common for women who possess weaker traits of BPD to act normally in every area of their lives except in their romantic relationships. Because of the difficulty many people have in understanding the true nature of these relationship breakups, many misconceptions about this disorder can arise. I know how lonely it can feel. I took it all way too personally and these feelings of inadequacy bled into almost every relationship I had after. Interestingly, this training does not include an exploration into childhood trauma. Although many people have a habit of mistaking some of the healthy nice-guy traits for codependency, in reality, the only negative aspect that we could pin on a nice-guy type would be his naivete in believing that everybody is as trusting as he is. After all, a woman with these traits is looking for a man who wants to take care of her needs. We tend to toss around psychological labels fairly casually.
I was absolutely devastated, crushed, gutted from the inside out. This is not how I handled either of those breakups. When I was 17, I experienced an important rite of passage…my very first heartbreak. Much like the traits of BPD, the traits of a nice guy tend to be found in combination in a sizeable portion of the population. Unlike most people she has the rare ability to keep up the illusion of being a great romantic partner for an extraordinarily long time. I took it all way too personally and these feelings of inadequacy bled into almost every relationship I had after. This assumption is somewhat understandable. Do a Self-Check Everything that happens in life, especially when it comes to breakups, has the potential to tear us down or take us to a higher place. What qualities do I truly need in a partner? This awareness can help you put to rest the idea that you played any role in her mistreatment of you. After all, a woman with these traits is looking for a man who wants to take care of her needs. Although many people have a habit of mistaking some of the healthy nice-guy traits for codependency, in reality, the only negative aspect that we could pin on a nice-guy type would be his naivete in believing that everybody is as trusting as he is. It would also make sense for people to assume that their behavior must be treated through uncovering their painful past. And you have to get over whatever issues are holding you back from receiving love. Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, examined data from Stanford's How Couples Meet and Stay Together project , a nationally representative longitudinal study of relationships and breakups. Think of qualities your ex had that you appreciated, as well as areas where he was lacking that you realized you need. And because she is completely invested in her own performance, there may not be observable cracks that let you see the woman she really is under the surface. You Could Have Recognized The Signs of BPD The belief that you should have been able to tell this woman was going to turn against you at some point in your relationship, like some of the other misconceptions about BPD relationships is fairly understandable. Take my story as exhibit A, I never ever in my wildest dreams could have predicted I would marry the first guy who ever broke my heart and become business partners with an ex who hurt me so bad I felt like I had been gutted, but such is the story of my life! But as we have already discussed, BPD presents as a very unusual condition. She accomplishes this by demeaning and devaluing you, blaming you for her desperate need for emotional safety. Think about how amazing it will be to start clean with someone new — a blank slate, a new beginning. By , of these people had split up or gotten divorced. I know how lonely it can feel. However, BPD is a very unique and unusual condition that actually creates an exception to this rule.
Video about how men get over breakups:
HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX INSTANTLY
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