What is trust, anyway? Rebuilding Trust Takes Time and Patience If you've been unfaithful and you've decided "I want to come home," it's important to realize that you're not going to be able to put the affair away in a vault and lock it up. It takes two people committed to staying in, staying strong and working on it together. Simply put, what you say you're going to do, you DO. Rebuilding trust means rebuilding your credibility.
This includes crying about what you have done, asking you lots and lots of questions, hurling a great deal of judgment, even raging at you, all the while you stand strong, stay faithful, keep apologizing, and reaching out with compassion and understanding. Keep holding onto the bigger vision that you'll both get through this, no matter how shaky it seems at the moment. Or maybe you just convinced yourself that your partner would never find out, so why not have a little fun? You felt attractive, sexy, and alive for maybe the first time in years. Take it one day at a time, one week at a time, and follow the eight guidelines. The world of us is safe. Your main job during this process is to be dependable, consistent, responsive and comforting. You got caught up in a flirtation that led to an affair. You didn't stop to consider the consequences of what you were doing, and if you did, you were quick to justify your actions to yourself. As a relationship therapist for over 20 years, I know from professional experience that the sooner you come to grips with the fact that the road back from distrust to trust takes perseverance, patience, commitment and time, the more likely you are to be successful at healing your relationship. Brody Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity. Have a plan in place that will help you to stay calm and centered while you navigate through the inevitable bumps, obstacles, landmines and setbacks that will happen. Now that the affair is over, you have the stone cold realization that you may have damaged or even destroyed the most precious gift you've ever been given -- your primary partner's trust and love. Lean in, look your partner in the eye, take deep, long breaths and say these words You still love them. You are the one I want. Rethinking Infidelity, and other marriage counsellors have found couples who choose to recover from and rebuild after infidelity often end up with a stronger, more loving and mutually understanding relationship than they had previously. The answer to that is there's good news and bad news. Do what you can do to change the situation and make it better. She suggested that in selecting a therapist, couples ask if the therapist has any training and experience in treating infidelity and how successful the therapist has been in helping marriages heal. To get a free chapter of Chatting or Cheating, please go to: This means taking a deep, hard look at why you cheated and how you can make sure you never cheat again. It felt so good at the time and it all happened so quickly. Whether you intended it or not, your partner has discovered your infidelity. Rebuilding Trust Takes Time and Patience If you've been unfaithful and you've decided "I want to come home," it's important to realize that you're not going to be able to put the affair away in a vault and lock it up. The good news is trust can be rebuilt and the relationship can be better than ever. Regaining trust means you must show that you clearly understand what your partner has felt and experienced, and prove to them over and over that you are truly sorry, and willing to change and work on earning back their trust, no matter what it takes.
Video about rebuilding a marriage after infidelity:
How To Rebuild Trust After An Affair (And Get Forgiveness)
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